I’ll make another admission; I’ve gone through marriage intensives with couples that at the end I would have predicted there was no way they would heal their marriage. For example, recently a couple came through our weekend intensive workshop for marriages in crisis that shared a remarkable story. Like so many others they didn’t understand the danger and forged ahead with a friendship that was destined to become a passion.Though highly involved in their church, she had gotten too close to another member and that had gradually led to adultery. By the time they realized they were on the wrong path, they were so enmeshed with each other that they were convinced that the best thing for everyone – spouses, children, church – was to divorce their spouses and marry each other.Time is on your side, especially if you continually pray for God to intercede and bring trials and tribulations into the sinful relationship.
By the time you broke your silence, things had evolved to an almost impossible situation.He prayed that God would convict her heart; that He would somehow reduce or remove the emotions she had for the other man. The next morning she awakened with the realization that she wanted to save her marriage and wanted very much to get past the feelings she had for her lover.Shortly thereafter they were in our workshop to learn how it happened, how to heal it, and how to grow in love like they never had before.He or she tried to end the affair, and told you that they were willing to work on the marriage.Maybe the paramour found a way to get to him or her, rekindled the passion and convinced your spouse that he or she will never be happy without them.Your church leaders tried, but had no success in righting the wrong behavior of your spouse.They found themselves listening to how terrible it is to be married to you, or how hypocritical they were to tell someone else to do right.They might even have heard the startling news that God Himself sent the lover and that He wants them to be together. The fact is that even in these situations a possibility exists that the marriage can be saved and, with time, made good again.Or, they might have heard that your spouse no longer believes what they once believed, so the church folks may as well go bother someone who buys into their malarkey. That may sound Pollyannaish, but I’ve personally witnessed it repeatedly over the last sixteen years.Finally, you made the discovery that your spouse did have someone else. Maybe you checked the cell phone bill, read emails, found a note or letter in a pocket or purse, or, even worse, someone saw them and told you about it. Secrecy helped them, not you, but because you thought there might be a chance to keep him or her calm and possibly stop this nightmare, you allowed yourself to be manipulated.Maybe your abandoning spouse had a period of hesitation.