That’s why I signed up, but the yes/no ratio was not in my favor.And after turning down the 20th, or 50th, or 100th person who contacts you — even if you have full confidence that they are indeed “no’s” — it can start to wear on your heart in kind of a backwards way.
Let me be clear, I have absolutely nothing at against those who love online dating.And yes of course, it’s totally ok to turn down people (especially the creepsters) who you know won’t be a fit.But here’s the thing — I’m pretty sure that most people sign up for online dating wanting to say “yes”.(Ironically, in my organized little brain, the very thing that initially appealed to me about online dating.) I don’t know, something about it just felt super unnatural to me. When I was on EHarmony (and they may have changed the process since), you were sent a few matches a day and then had to decide yes or no on all of them. When I was on Match, my little inbox was pretty quickly overwhelmed with emails (and those awful “winks”), ranging from the cut-and-pasted form emails (yes), the creepy one-liners (90% of the time having to do with eyes, or completely sexual), to legit emails from guys who were and were absolutely not what I would call matches.So if you’re active on an online dating site, you generally find yourself having to sort through yes’s and no’s every single day. And yes of course, it’s awesome and a total honor to have people interested in you.But a little too often, you run across a profile or get an email from someone who gives you (the wrong kind of) goosebumps.For example, one of my friends just told me about a guy who reverse-image-searched her on Match, and told her that he had tracked down where she worked. ) Another friend had a guy photoshop her headshot onto some p-rn.It took me awhile to admit that to myself and to other people, mostly because I thought it would be great if it could “work”.But I’m now totally ok with that fact that it’s not for me.And you start to feel guilty about saying “no’s”, especially to people whose intentions are good.And you start to consider saying more “yes’s” just to balance out the “no’s”, even when that’s clearly not the best idea. It is where you can be as honest (or not) as you’d like.