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“That’s when they realize this is serious,” Giugliano says.

When coping with that sort of debt, secret credit cards can come into play. “Remember, secrets are the hallmark of an addiction,” she says.In some cases, a spouse will have credit card statements mailed to a clandestine P. See related: How couples can recover from financial infidelity, Card fraud and opioid addiction: Crimes that go together We encourage an active and insightful conversation among our users.Please help us keep our community civil and respectful.It’s the quintessential story of the frog in the boiling pot that doesn’t even know he’s in a boiling pot until it’s too late,” Coambs says.No matter what kind of spending occurs, some sex addicts, most of whom are men, maintain a secret credit card so their wives or partners don’t discover their out-of-bounds spending.I don’t know how to stop myself, so I’m going to buy things for my family as part of a mask or a way to keep them at distance. Daddy loves you, Mommy loves you.’” Coambs says a sex addict also might turn to shopping, enabled by purchases made on a credit card, as “self-soothing behavior.” “It’s a way of trying to perk themselves back up after they feel the low of the sex addiction,” he says.To complicate matters, someone’s sex addiction might be intertwined with an addiction to, say, shopping, alcohol or drugs, Coambs says.John Giugliano, a psychotherapist specializing in sex addiction and former president of the Society for the Advancement of Sexual Health (SASH), says the problem is real, but “the name of the problem is controversial and still up for grabs.” He prefers to use the term “out-of-control sexual behavior.” Giugliano notes that while there’s plenty of research about gambling and credit card debt as well as shopping and credit card debt, there is no research on out-of-control sexual behavior and credit card spending.However, there’s no lack of accounts about how sexual addiction and credit card spending can become entangled.“He was not at all wealthy,” she says, “but was clearly and quickly diminishing his savings.” As part of his treatment, Winter had the man create a spreadsheet laying out his income and expenses so he could confront his financial predicament.In this instance, the man was a co-dependent giver, lavishing money on his lover to fortify the relationship, Winter says.

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