Dear Prudence, After a decade in a tough marriage, I’m a recently divorced man.
When we separated my ex and I agreed we would see other people, and I dated several women casually.
Over time, one of those became more serious, to the point where we have been dating for almost a year and are now essentially exclusive. I want to focus on my young kids and prefer to separate my “kid time,” which I love, from my adult “dating time,” which is also great.
I envision that for the rest of my life there may be a series of girlfriends.
While it’s not always easy, try your best to be understanding and remember that there’s no need to feel threatened by his past.Your marriage did not give your children a template for happy adult relationships.Don’t be so quick to declare they will never get to see you in one.That is, when the new relationship is solid and continuing.When you first became single again, you thought you would happily juggle your many options.So to answer your question, what you do is have a long overdue talk about where the two of you are in this relationship, and explain that you don’t want to be exclusive.But in larger terms, I hope you’ve explored, or are exploring, what went wrong in your marriage and what your contributions were to its lousiness.This could be in the form of old photos, presents or anecdotes about things that happened when he and his ex were together.Try not to let this bother you; everyone has memories which represent a different time of life.Put the kids first Your new man’s kids will always come first to him, so don’t try to compete for his affection.Even if you’re thrilled about the prospect of meeting them, be aware that you need to be the one to fit into their lives, not the other way around.