They give up their outside hobbies, friends, families, and lifestyles.
They think that if someone WANTS to spend 24/7 with them, they must be ‘really into them.’ Over the years as a mental health counselor, I have found there are a number of reasons why people want to rush relationships.
I always suggest that the woman be in charge of the pacing of the relationship. Not only because it’s unhealthy but also to see what he will do with the changing of the pace. Unhealthy and even dangerous persons will blame, shame, and guilt you.
Make other plans, see friends, don’t be so available. This should be a red flag as to whether this person is someone safe to date.
And furthermore, they do not know what ‘an inability to grow or change’ looks like or acts like.
No wonder record amounts of women are or have been in as many as four to five dangerous man relationships before they changed their patterns.
Overtly lacking in today’s women’s programs are the outright names of dangerous diagnosis, the labeling of specific dangerous behaviors, and the teaching of why dangerousness is not something that can be treated, more less cured.
Most women cannot site any elements that make a man ‘incurable.’ They don’t understand that the issue of dangerousness is based on a person’s inability to grow or change.
We live in an instant society: instant messaging, drive through food, microwaves, text messaging, ipods—just about anything we want NOW we can have.
Often the only reason change came at all was because of extreme violence and subsequent near death injuries, or death itself.
Sadly enough, once a woman has dated one dangerous man her chances of dating even more dramatically increase.
There is only one way to know someone and that is through time. Many people think that if you substitute the time you would spend with someone over a year of knowing them and squeeze that time into a 24/7 relationship, then you will get the same results.
Very often there is an inappropriate pacing in relationships in which people early on begin to spend 24/7 with a new person.