I’m assuming not, because I’m assuming the anecdote would’ve been in your question.
I mean I don’t think my grandma would judge me or say something bad but there’s still a real possibility she could. We’re planning our wedding right now, and everyone in my family is (so far, and as far as I know) okay with this. But there are two things you need to know about my grandmother: a) she was mean and b) she probably did know.I feel like that might make coming out to her easier— you’re not springing something on her that she hasn’t heard about all through her life.It’s not like introducing her to an xbox or virtual reality or the phrase YOLO.Now I’m going to move forward and assume that you haven’t had a conversation like this with your grandmother.Your grandmother is probably very different from my grandmother in that she’s not mean — you even use the words dear, sweet grandmother in your question.I asked if we should invite her and to our surprise we really didn’t know the answer. Hello, friend, and congratulations on marrying the love of your life! If you look at it that way, this is a pretty wonderful problem to have.I mean how do you tell your 88-year-old grandmother you’re gay let alone the fact you’re getting married to another woman? The other good news is that there are several different things you could do and all of them are the right answer! I want to let you know, before I continue, that I’m answering this question from a very particular place in this world. Now I’m sure you, friend, will try to comfort me by saying, .I tell you this story because we’re going to use it as a jumping off point for some advice and for some follow up questions.First, a question — have you ever had a conversation like this with your grandmother?First, if your grandmother has no opinion, if she comes into the conversation entirely neutral, you don’t want to put it into her mind that it’s something one should feel sorry about. I am also gay.” But I think whether or not you choose to do it that way has a lot to do with your family dynamic — are you a people who discuss big topics and thoughts and feelings with each other? “Guess what, I’m getting married, ISN’T IT FABULOUS! Information is truly shared on a need-to-know-basis and any other sharing is inefficient? Here is how my fiancée came out to her family: she brought me home one weekend. You could do the wedding equivalent of that and just send your grandmother an invitation.It might alter the way the conversation goes, should you choose to have it; go in with total positivity, and your attitude will rub off on her. They can take change because they’ve been adapting their whole lives; that’s how they got to be old. Practice saying it like you are offering her a bowl of candy. Here is a photo the dress/suit/banana costume I will be wearing and also a photo of my fiancée, her name is ________.” This good news approach has the added bonus of bringing relentless positivity to the table. Depending on your family dynamic, though, that could go over like a lead balloon.