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Dating a man ten years older

To be clear, my boyfriend isn’t rich, but he’s picked up one important habit over the years: investing.

I have to admit it’s comforting to be in a serious relationship with someone who’s somewhat financially responsible (read: less impulsive).

Now, I’m not saying these are conscious reasons why dating a man quite a bit older—there have been several moments when I’ve thought that going out with someone closer to my age would be much simpler.

I even tried it when my boyfriend and I took a short break, and I found it was painstakingly difficult and more complicated than my experience dating an older guy. The texting games (How long should I wait to text him back? It’s exhausting), the fear of commitment that plagues most twentysomethings, and the simple fact that most guys my age aren’t as emotionally mature as I am.

This alone is a reason why I refuse to go back into the dating pool with guys my own age. When I’m out, the guys I seem to attract are generally in their mid- to late-30s. To find out why, I asked a straight twentysomething male friend, who pointed out that younger guys are simply intimidated.

And while cliché dictates that, sure, men are into it, there’s been some recent research done about younger females often gravitate toward mature men.I get the impression that people outside my inner circle wonder if I’m lying and that maybe he picked me up at a hotel bar or something cliché like that.Other inquire whether I was purposely seeking an older man when I met him.Getting awkward questions (wait, do you know each other?! I find it difficult to explain to people how my relationship came to be.I’m often asked how we met—and not in a giddy kind of way (it’s more like concern).In general, there’s a stigma that a younger woman dates an older man because he’s more powerful and can essentially take care of her.And while that may be true for some, a 2010 study by the University of Dundee in Scotland found that as women become more financially independent, their taste may skew toward older (and better-looking) men. As a woman becomes more confident in her own career and finances, she seeks a partner who matches that, which often is not a 25-year-old guy.Persistence also takes confidence—my boyfriend extended three invitations before I finally agreed to get coffee with him.As Aaliyah once said, “If at first you don’t succeed, dust yourself off and try again.” Older men know this. I won’t lie: It can be annoying at times dating someone who has “been there/done that,” but it can also be helpful when your partner can use his experiences to guide you.He just didn’t get that and wanted to be around every second.I don’t necessarily think that he wanted to hang exclusively with me all the time, but I think he felt insecure that I’d meet other guys when I went out with friends.

874 comments

  1. Oct 13, 2014. In their defense, I hardly grew up dating or crushing on men close to my age group. I always seem to date guys between 10 to 20 years older than me, and from my relationships comes some of the best memories and experiences. I still get the common response from my friends “He's too old for you!

  2. Feb 10, 2014. I've been waiting for this year 2014 since the day my husband proposed to me. At some point during our dating season, I realized it was coming and started giggling over it, even then. It's definitely fair to say that my dear man was warned, so I don't feel even the tiniest bit bad about it. This year, my.

  3. I Dated A Man More Than 10 Years Older Than Me—Here's What It Was Like'. Six women tell all. By Jen Glantz January 6, 2017. 6 Women On What It's Like To Date Someone at Least 10 Years Older. Shutterstock. Sure, Mary-Kate Olsen and Olivier Sarkozy make their 17-year age gap look like NBD, but what's it really like.

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